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| howdy, folks! so i guess i'm back on xanga for the time being! we're able to access it again over here, in China. amazing. pretty awesome. i'm hoping that xanga will be up and running until the end of june, when i'm back in the States again. that'd be cool.
well, for those of you who still keep up with this thing, you have all by now, heard about the 7.8 magnitude earthquake in China. earthquake happened in the province of Sichuan, which is in the central western part of China. It's one of the most beautiful places in China because of its pandas and natural reserves, etc. I've never been there, but I hear it's a beautiful place! anyhow. the death toll now is well over 11,000 people. one middle school collapsed and killed 1,000+ children. it is sobering to hear the statistics just grow without and end in sight. sometimes it's hard to trust that He has a sovereign plan. China has dealt with a number of natural disasters this year and they are calling it 2008: the year of loss or something like that, in Chinese. there was an extremely fatal snowstorm earlier this year that killed many and now this. a lot for one country to deal with. kind of crazy. the government is now trying to stabalize the situation. please PR and be on your knees for the Chinese people. they are dealing with a lot of emotions: anger, sadness, grief, all at the same time. it's hard.
in other news, we took a group of 9 girls to Nanjing last weekend to see a Steven Curtis Chapman concert!!! Can you believe it? If you're in America right now, and you're sort of in tune with CCM and that whole bit, you know that SCC is a pretty big Christian artist and he is well-respected by many. he gave a concert that was very very EV oriented in the sense that he was very direct with just telling people why he writes music and all. it was very moving and refreshing because it's been awhile since i've had that type of a corporate singing time with other likeminded brothers and sisters. it was also moving because you could sense the Spirit's presence in that auditorium. it was awesome for our girls, some of whom were believers, others who were not, to experience that. i think they were really encouraged in their Walks with Father and they were blessed. PTL for opportunities like this concert in China! PR for more of them to happen!!
nick and i are doing are last few weeks of long distance! and then we'll be together more than we'll be separate. it's exciting that we'll be in a more normal relationship-- one that is closer in proximity. we both agree that long distance for the past 10 months has been good for us both-- not that it's been fun, but that any other way would have perhaps not been as good in terms of shaping/molding for each of us individually. Dad has taught us both a lot about each other and also about ourselves. knowing oneself well is SO beneficial when you're in a relationship. so, it's going to be such a blessing when we can be together this summer! continuing to get to know each other in a more 360 degree way as we meet families together and as we just do relational work in the States together. it's exciting to find out more things that I love about Nick and also just more of how he thinks and responds to the things of life. i've learned how to love better and have realized that loving others is a lifelong process and journey through the refining fire. loving another is not always easy especially when you yourself realize all of the things you could be doing better. the more I learn about Nick, the more I grow to appreciate and cherish him more. Please continue to lift us both up and the precious relationship we have. May the Father guide and lead us in the direction He thinks is best for us. He knows. and we have to trust Him.
stress level has been a roller coaster recently, as there have been many changes here. PR about the ability to handle the different events that are stressors.
also PR for the strength to finish the semester strong. there are no desires nor are there urges, left to grade papers, but that is one thing that i must do. it's also sometimes hard to not get into "dreamland" mode and think about how much fun this summer will be, as I'll be able to spend the majority of it with Nick and my family. i need Father's strength because my own human mind and heart get swayed and set on other things so easily. how nearsighted I am.
thanks for reading. thanks for all of your support. please comment or write back if you have anything more to share. email is also fine! i really would like to see a lot of you this summer, so let me know if you're available for a breakfast, lunch or dinner! ciao!
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| ANU is celebrating its 80th Anniversary! It is a month-long celebration. Chinese culture LOVES to celebrate and when there is a celebration of any sort, it is pretty large-scale. It think this is one difference between American and Chinese culture. American culture celebrates events too, but in a different way. I mean, the Chinese are SERIOUS. Our school is having delegates from the United Nations (alumni from the school) come visit and give lectures; they are having famous people of all sorts return to the school to celebrate with them. The entire school is littered with neon colored flags symbolizing a celebratory spirit and it seems like both central and south campus are bustling with an unusual amount of activity. In a lot of ways,the communal, celebration of the masses of the Chinese reminds me of the heavenly hosts that we will be part of in the future days to come, when we celebrate the coming of the King! It will be an ALL OUT SERIOUS celebration!
I was thinking the other day about guilt based and shame based cultures. Shame came with sin. This is something sin brings into the world; it is what Adam and Eve felt after they disobeyed their Father's voice. It is what we feel after we disobey our/their Father's voice. We do not feel guilt until a bit after our feelings of shame. Even in guilt based cultures, there is an element of shame but it is kept inside and is not as apparent. Part of me is tempted to say then, that guilt based cultures are more "upright" and "good," and that shame is not the ideal way to punish people because it doesn't take into account the actual sinful action, and that people should feel guilt about their sinful actions because of the inherent evil in the sinful action. But then, upon thinking about this issue a bit more, it occurred to me that JC suffered shame by being hung on the Cross and for what? For the sins that He himself didn't even commit. Was this shame the ideal way of dealing with the sins of humanity? No, but this was what sin brought into the world. So, if shame was the first response to an action of sin (Adam and Eve), and that this was the first result of sin, does it mean we can say that shame isn't the ideal way with sin, and that guilt is the more ideal way to deal with it?
If you believe in absolute truth, doesn't that tilt more towards believing that there is an absolute sinful action? In which case, the attitude towards the sinful action is what should be dealt with; not what others would think of your sinful action and your shameful reaction to what the others think. I'm still processing this because there is part of me that has a very hard time accepting the OK'ness of using shame to get people to do right. I mean, there is definitely an element of it in American culture too, but in Chinese culture it is more visible. If shame was the first response humans had to sin, isn't it only right to try to stay away from it? To get rid of it when we can?
I think of this mainly because i see the outcome of the shame nature inherent in Chinese culture through my students and their testimonies and stories of humiliation in front of their peers, especially in the educational context.
Emotional health in Chinese students is something that has become a very big societal issue recently.
The shame aspect of the culture gets students to have mental breakdowns/undue stress and pressure if they score low on consecutive quizzes/tests because the teachers announce their low scores in front of their classmates, who have scored high. You score low, you get shamed. Next time don't score low anymore. But what if you do? You get shamed again. A person can only feel so much shame until they can't handle it anymore. Then they commit suicide or something destructive like that.
In terms of educational circles, there is no intrinsic value to education for a lot of students. It is the extrinsic value of, "you do well to be praised and brought OUT of shame." It seems that there is no thought of "education is good for you; you should be excited about learning and it's the process of learning that matters, not the test score." So without this intrinsic value of education, extrinsic/external measures are necessary for students to continue learning. I guess the entire paradigm of extrinsic value to education might also be extrinsic to me because i'm looking from outside, into the culture.
Time to go. I'll continue this train of thought some other time. Any comments? I'm interested to see what you have to say, for those of you who have opinions on matters such as this. :) | | |
| Dear fellow brothers and sisters and friends,
REQUEST to Be On Your Knees for:
Nick has decided to request to transfer to China officially next year and ELIC is going to place him in Wuhu, on my team for next year!! At the end of April, we will find out if my school will accept the list of teachers ELIC has given to them. Please LIFT UP that they would accept Nick as a teacher here in Wuhu!! With marriage as something we are thinking seriously about, we really have peace asking to be on the same team together to serve and work alongside each other. We are anticipating the end of April when we OFFICIALLY hear from our school about next year (ELIC is ok with us being on the same team….we have to wait to see if our school will accommodate). I have peace about it, that it will work out like we hoped for, but I am definitely still anxious. This would be a significant thing for our relationship, as we would finally be together in the same space and NOT long distance anymore. Long distance has been good for us (as good as long distance can be), but we are definitely ready to be in the same place together! Nick and I truly appreciate your thoughts heavenward on this one.
In general for next year, please be lifting up decision in China as a whole because April is decision-making month, where ELIC places teachers and where schools determine what teachers they want, etc. May His will be done! ELIC’s presence in China is powerful and the Father has blessed ELIC for years and years; may He continue to guide and direct next year.
In Other News:
TEAM: Tre, a teammate, has been having knee pain and may have to get surgery on it. She may have to go back to America early to get treated for her knee. NOTHING is sure right now, so please be lifting up her knee and her doctors’ because we are all waiting for some news and direction. It’s hard to be in the dark about your own physical condition. Lift up Tre, and direction in this area.
SCHOOL: 3 more weeks of teaching seniors and juniors. Then, they leave to go find jobs and do student teaching, respectively. It’s gonna be a busy three week!
VISITS: There will be a lot of friends and family visiting beginning in May. My mom is coming the last week of April and other teammates have friends and family coming to visit in May and June! Nick will be coming sometime in June after he finishes his classes, so that’s all very exciting.
PR life: I continue to seek the Father by listening to Him. May I have discipline when times get busy. May I have courage to ask for things honestly. May I have courage to ask Father to show me areas of sin that I am blind to. May I have patience to wait for Him; to be strong and take heart and wait for Him (Psalm 27). Amen.
Thanks for being on a team with me. How are you doing, by the way? I haven’t heard from a lot of you in awhile. Drop me a quick note when you have a chance. I’d love to be PR-ing for you.
Love,
Lydia
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| i'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore...
i write, nonetheless. whether or not anyone reads this. i write.
i miss writing creatively. so i guess i can post when i feel the urges for creative writing. so what da heck. sometimes life can flash before your eyes and one week has passed before you know it.
in writing class, one of my students wrote,
"the pregnant walked down the street..."
he meant it to say,
"the pregnant lady walked down the street,"
but i guess a pregnant person could only be a lady, so writing, "the pregnant..." is ok in the end. i... guess...
i ended up saying something to the student anyway,
"you should have the word 'lady' or 'woman' after pregnant..."
another student ended up writing something to the extent of,
"the robber chased the grandmother's behind..."
missing ONE word can make such a big difference and you don't realize that until you read a sentence that's missing that ONE word...then, you kind of laugh at the stupid, or not so stupid complexities of the English language and you chuckle to yourself about how silly it is that YOU are the one teaching this complex language...
"um, John,...read your sentence again."
"What, Lydia? What is wrong?"
"if you keep your sentence that way, it means that the robber is chasing the grandmother's butt."
blank stare and nod.
"butt. do you know that word? It means your backside, *I point at my butt*"
"OH! Oh, I need to add 'from?'"
"yeeees. very good, John. Remember. we write to communicate clearly."
hahaha
sometimes it's those moments in teaching that get me motivated. it's the students that make teaching fun. the students. the students. the students.
if i weren't able to glance out to the sea of faces before me, i don't think i'd be able to be continually motivated to teach.
life flashes before your eyes and before you even have a chance to react, it's gone. poof! you haven't done half the stuff you wanted to do. *sigh* that makes me frustrated sometimes but i guess that's the way it is when you live a life that is hindered by weaknesses, sinful ways, selfishness and all of those follies that have been written about since life first flashed before Adam's eyes and he ended up out of the Garden of Eden.
nick and i were told one month ago that there was a possibility of him moving to Wuhu next year. at that time, i was very excited to have found out that this was a possibility. being the optimist that i am, i automatically started thinking that just because people said that it was a possibility, it would happen. sometimes possibility = definite in my mind. well, as time went on (this past month, since Thailand), i've realized that a possibility is indeed just a possibility and nothing more.
i've gotten annoyed, frustrated and impatient with the waiting, with the people involved, with myself. i think to myself, "Why did ELIC not wait until there was a FINAL decision before they let Nick and i know anything???" i think, "it would have been a lot easier emotionally and spiritually if we found out after everything is set in place for next year!"
we still don't know where Nick will be teaching next year. in hindsight, however, i have a different opinion. i don't know what changed this for me, but i guess the grace of our Father has allowed me to have a different outlook and perspective on the whole thing. perhaps the Good Father is testing my faith and trust in Him through this whole endeavor. if he had allowed me to know one month ago, this whole month would have been smooth sailing, would have NOT been mentally, spiritually and emotionally challenging, i wouldn't have needed to trust that Father knew what He was doing with our lives and most of all, i wouldn't have been able to see the ugliness of my own lack of trust in Him.
now, i think, "well, then whatever happens is the Father's doing because somehow, the waiting will have proved to me that He orchestrated it. I didn't have anything to do with it. I allowed Him time to work, and He did and so I now know clearly that THIS is His will for Nick and not my selfish desire."
i am humbled because of my lack of trust in the Father's good will for those who Call upon His name. i doubted. i got annoyed. i got frustrated. i got impatient with Father. Who am I, the worst of all sinners, to be impatient with the Father who made me and created me?
after that month of being frustrated, etc. i I now know my Best Friend a smidgen better because of how I've seen Him change my heart and outlook on this thing. I may butcher this, but i remember someone in concert choir (Wheaton), one day quoted brennan manning during devotions and the quote went something like this: "Clarity in seeing the Father's face should not lead us to lose trust in Him, but should lead us to trust Him more."
When we see the Father working in our lives, that should grow our faithfulness in Him, not lead us to attribute that Work in our lives as our OWN. If I had known where Nick was going to be a month ago, would I have learned how to trust Him like I am trying (however feebly) now? Or would I have just brushed it aside, thinking "Father doesn't know what He's doing...I don't trust that He is a GOOD Father who gives us Good things..." Seeing Father's will when it goes against our own desires and "wills" forces us to CHECK our thoughts about our Sovereignly good Provider.
If Nick is placed in Moron next year, will I still trust Him in our relationship? Will I trust that His placing Nick in Moron was a strategic, perfect decision for our relationship? or will I lose trust in Him because it wasn't what I wanted?
Hmm. Humbling thoughts.
"Clarity in seeing the Father's face should not lead us to lose trust in Him, but should lead us to trust Him more."~ Lydia's version of a famous author's quote.
soli deo gloria, brothers and sisters and other friends. and be challenged and encouraged. | | |
| Pictures from Thailand 
YAY for formal dates. At least semi-formal
a Wat (the Thai word for temple)
Whitewater rafting with Nick, Andrea, Lisa, Christina and some crazy Thai tour guides and Markus, the Austrian. Wip was our rafting guide. He was a good guide.
Class was basically computer haven everyday....lots and lots of laptops...
Class Breaks were times of Fun, Food and Fellowships (Triple F)
An AWESOME way to do landscaping in the backyard or courtyard or something like that: a stone waterfall type thing...
Sorry there aren't any more pictures. This time around, I found out that my rechargeable batteries are getting old and aren't lasting for as long of a time each time around, so it was not as convenient to use my camera. Anyhow. And Nick took a lot of 35mm pictures, so we have those and we'll have to show you all when he comes to California over the summer. :)
------------------------------------------------------ hi everyone. i'm in Mongolia. and it is freaking cold. they weren't joking when they said it is cold here because guys, let me tell you: it FOR reals is COLD. after walking outside for 12 minutes, my thighs were numb from the cold. one layer is definitely NOT enough for the -30 some degree cold. i'm going to Moron (pronounced Muren) tomorrow with Nick. We're flying, not taking a truck cuz of the possibly dangerous weather. In Moron, I'll stay with Nick's teammate's girlfriend and we'll just have time to hang out! I'm looking forward to the time I'll have to see Nick's city and see the context in which he works. exciting times. i'll update you all more when i'm in Moron and I have more time to just type my heart out. I don't feel like writing much right now. ~kus | | |
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