| | i'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore...
i write, nonetheless. whether or not anyone reads this. i write.
i miss writing creatively. so i guess i can post when i feel the urges for creative writing. so what da heck. sometimes life can flash before your eyes and one week has passed before you know it.
in writing class, one of my students wrote,
"the pregnant walked down the street..."
he meant it to say,
"the pregnant lady walked down the street,"
but i guess a pregnant person could only be a lady, so writing, "the pregnant..." is ok in the end. i... guess...
i ended up saying something to the student anyway,
"you should have the word 'lady' or 'woman' after pregnant..."
another student ended up writing something to the extent of,
"the robber chased the grandmother's behind..."
missing ONE word can make such a big difference and you don't realize that until you read a sentence that's missing that ONE word...then, you kind of laugh at the stupid, or not so stupid complexities of the English language and you chuckle to yourself about how silly it is that YOU are the one teaching this complex language...
"um, John,...read your sentence again."
"What, Lydia? What is wrong?"
"if you keep your sentence that way, it means that the robber is chasing the grandmother's butt."
blank stare and nod.
"butt. do you know that word? It means your backside, *I point at my butt*"
"OH! Oh, I need to add 'from?'"
"yeeees. very good, John. Remember. we write to communicate clearly."
hahaha
sometimes it's those moments in teaching that get me motivated. it's the students that make teaching fun. the students. the students. the students.
if i weren't able to glance out to the sea of faces before me, i don't think i'd be able to be continually motivated to teach.
life flashes before your eyes and before you even have a chance to react, it's gone. poof! you haven't done half the stuff you wanted to do. *sigh* that makes me frustrated sometimes but i guess that's the way it is when you live a life that is hindered by weaknesses, sinful ways, selfishness and all of those follies that have been written about since life first flashed before Adam's eyes and he ended up out of the Garden of Eden.
nick and i were told one month ago that there was a possibility of him moving to Wuhu next year. at that time, i was very excited to have found out that this was a possibility. being the optimist that i am, i automatically started thinking that just because people said that it was a possibility, it would happen. sometimes possibility = definite in my mind. well, as time went on (this past month, since Thailand), i've realized that a possibility is indeed just a possibility and nothing more.
i've gotten annoyed, frustrated and impatient with the waiting, with the people involved, with myself. i think to myself, "Why did ELIC not wait until there was a FINAL decision before they let Nick and i know anything???" i think, "it would have been a lot easier emotionally and spiritually if we found out after everything is set in place for next year!"
we still don't know where Nick will be teaching next year. in hindsight, however, i have a different opinion. i don't know what changed this for me, but i guess the grace of our Father has allowed me to have a different outlook and perspective on the whole thing. perhaps the Good Father is testing my faith and trust in Him through this whole endeavor. if he had allowed me to know one month ago, this whole month would have been smooth sailing, would have NOT been mentally, spiritually and emotionally challenging, i wouldn't have needed to trust that Father knew what He was doing with our lives and most of all, i wouldn't have been able to see the ugliness of my own lack of trust in Him.
now, i think, "well, then whatever happens is the Father's doing because somehow, the waiting will have proved to me that He orchestrated it. I didn't have anything to do with it. I allowed Him time to work, and He did and so I now know clearly that THIS is His will for Nick and not my selfish desire."
i am humbled because of my lack of trust in the Father's good will for those who Call upon His name. i doubted. i got annoyed. i got frustrated. i got impatient with Father. Who am I, the worst of all sinners, to be impatient with the Father who made me and created me?
after that month of being frustrated, etc. i I now know my Best Friend a smidgen better because of how I've seen Him change my heart and outlook on this thing. I may butcher this, but i remember someone in concert choir (Wheaton), one day quoted brennan manning during devotions and the quote went something like this: "Clarity in seeing the Father's face should not lead us to lose trust in Him, but should lead us to trust Him more."
When we see the Father working in our lives, that should grow our faithfulness in Him, not lead us to attribute that Work in our lives as our OWN. If I had known where Nick was going to be a month ago, would I have learned how to trust Him like I am trying (however feebly) now? Or would I have just brushed it aside, thinking "Father doesn't know what He's doing...I don't trust that He is a GOOD Father who gives us Good things..." Seeing Father's will when it goes against our own desires and "wills" forces us to CHECK our thoughts about our Sovereignly good Provider.
If Nick is placed in Moron next year, will I still trust Him in our relationship? Will I trust that His placing Nick in Moron was a strategic, perfect decision for our relationship? or will I lose trust in Him because it wasn't what I wanted?
Hmm. Humbling thoughts.
"Clarity in seeing the Father's face should not lead us to lose trust in Him, but should lead us to trust Him more."~ Lydia's version of a famous author's quote.
soli deo gloria, brothers and sisters and other friends. and be challenged and encouraged. |
| | Posted 3/15/2008 11:32 PM - 45 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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